


Adapting To A New Life

by kamala_khan_for_president



Series: A Soul For A Soul [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 01:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamala_khan_for_president/pseuds/kamala_khan_for_president
Summary: Coping with coming back from the dead is a harder task than even Natasha Romanoff could anticipate.





	Adapting To A New Life

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel that literally no one asked for but I was bored and decided I hadn't gotten enough angst tm out of part one, so here we are

_“It’s okay,” Natasha reassured. She smiled lightly at Clint before kicking herself back away from the cliff and out of Clint’s grasp. As she started falling down, hearing the wind in her ears, she began to realise that she had been here before. She could remember it very clearly, falling from the cliff, hitting the ground and after that… nothing. She could remember nothing. She knew there was more, but she couldn’t remember it. But she knew what was coming next. She felt herself hit the ground and her body break, bones snapping and pain erupting everywhere. The world went black for a moment before Natasha’s eyes snapped open again._

She was no longer on Vormir. Instead, she was back in her room at the Barton farmhouse. She was home, they’d won, everyone was back, and most importantly, she was alive.

But her being alive didn’t change what had happened. Didn’t change the fact that she’d died. And it sure as hell didn’t change the fact that she could remember every second of it.

She sat up in her bed, trying to calm her breathing as she forced herself to think through the events of the last few days; her being brought back to life, returning to the present from 2014, the funerals, Steve returning the stones and her arriving back at the Bartons’ farm. She was safe.

Natasha stood from her bed and took a few steps towards the door. She paused when she reached the door, hand hovering over the door handle. “This is stupid,” she muttered to herself before stalking back to her bed. She got back under the covers and screwed her eyes shut. “I’m a grown ass woman, I can handle a little nightmare.” She tried to force herself to go back to sleep but couldn’t keep the memories of falling at bay.

***

“Are you okay?” Wanda asked.

Natasha blinked sleepily at the younger girl. “I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You look half-dead,” Wanda replied. Natasha raised one eyebrow. “Sorry, bad phrasing, it’s just that you look like you didn’t get much sleep”

“I said I’m fine,” Natasha snapped.

Laura walked into the room just as Natasha snapped. “Is everything okay in here?”

Natasha didn’t say anything else. She dumped her cereal bowl in the sink and stalked out of the room, passing Lila as she went.

“What’s up with Auntie Nat?” she asked as she came and sat at the dinner table. Laura looked over at Wanda.

“I have no clue,” Wanda replied. “But I don’t think she’s coping with coming back from the dead as she thinks she is”

“One of us could try talking to her,” Lila suggested. “I mean, we all died and came back. We all get it”

“I don’t think we do,” Wanda sighed. “For us, one second we were here, the next, we’re exactly where we were, but five years have passed. I remember hearing other people yelling, a weird feeling that I can never describe if ever tried, and then I’m in Wakanda, Vision’s body gone and Sam, Bucky and T’Challa are there, looking confused. But it’s different for her. She remembers everything. I can’t imagine what that’s like”

Lila shifted awkwardly. “I hate this,” she said. Laura stepped over and wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter.

“I know, sweetie, we all do,” she replied, rubbing Lila’s back soothingly. “But we can do this. This has been a rough few weeks for all of us, rough few years for your Dad and Auntie Nat. But we’re all here now. Everyone’s home, and safe, and we’re going to get through this together”

“Can someone tell Auntie Nat that?” Lila muttered, laughing lightly from where she still had her face pressed against her Mom’s chest.

Clint walked into the room and paused when he saw what was happening. He shot Wanda concerned look before taking a couple of steps towards his wife and daughter. “Is everything okay?”

“Something’s wrong with Natasha,” Wanda explained. “She’s acting really off at the moment. Something’s been bothering her since she got back”

“Wonder what that could be,” Clint said sarcastically.

Wanda mocked glared at him. “It’s more than just that, she won’t talk to anyone. If we were still at the Compound, it wouldn’t be that unusual, but she’s always been more open here. If she’s acting closed off here, then something’s seriously wrong”

***

“What are you kids up to?” Natasha asked as she walked over to where Lila and Cooper stood over by the barn.

Lila smiled as she looked over at her aunt. “Hey Auntie Nat, I’m teaching Cooper how to shoot and bow and arrow because no matter how much Dad tries to teach him, he sucks”

“I’m beginning to regret asking you for help,” Cooper said.

“Only just?” Lila asked with a mischievous grin on her face. Natasha sat with her legs crossed on the grass and watched as Lila attempted to help Cooper aim at the target. The boy pulled the bowstring back and fired the arrow. However, he managed to ever so slightly miss his mark. The arrow landed a good ten foot above the target, embedded into the tree.

“Dammit,” Cooper muttered.

“You know the rule. You shoot it up the tree, you get from up the tree,” Lila said.

Cooper sighed and started to walk to the tree. He’d just reached the base when he shot a look over Natasha. The woman rolled her eyes at him but jumped to her feet anyway. She jogged over to Cooper and jumped up, grabbing one of the lower branches of the tree, readying herself to climb up the tree. She took a look up at the arrow and froze.

It was a lot higher up than she’d first realised. She remained frozen in position. She wasn’t sure why, she’d been up trees higher than this on missions, even just a week ago as she secretly watched on at Tony’s funeral. But something was stopping her now. She let go of the branch and dropped the foot or so she’d been hanging off the ground.

“Rule’s a rule, kid. Especially after a shot like that,” she said as she shrugged at Cooper. The boy rolled his eyes, but effortlessly climbed the tree and grabbed the arrow. Natasha walked back over to her previous spot on the grass and sat down to watch the two children, trying not to focus on what had just happened.

***

_Natasha jogged over to Cooper and jumped up, grabbing one of the lower branches of the tree before climbing up to the stray arrow with a practised ease. She grabbed the arrow and briefly turned around to glance down and make sure that Lila and Cooper were out of her way._

_But she wasn’t climbing the tree anymore. Instead, she was hanging above the ground from the side of a cliff on a planet, millions of lightyears from home. She looked back up to the arrow she’d been holding and instead saw Clint holding onto her hand, desperately trying to pull the two of them back to the top of the cliff._

_“Let me go,” she urged, a soft, caring and reassuring smile appearing on her face. “It’s okay”_

_She kicked herself from his grasp and the now familiar sense of falling took over her as she plummeted to the ground. She didn’t scream or close her eyes, just fell silently towards the scarred surface of the deserted planet below. At the last moment, the world around her shifted again._

_She was falling from the tree instead. She hit the ground and the familiar pain enveloped her as if she had really fallen from the cliff and not the tree, a fall from that height would never be enough to cause that kind of injury. The pain continued to engulf her body, but the usual darkness and comforting unconsciousness that usually followed never came. Two young and terrified faces appeared above her._

_Lila and Cooper._

_“Oh god,” the boy muttered, seemingly in too much shock to register what had happened._

_Lila, on the other hand, seemed distraught. “Auntie Nat! Are you okay?” Natasha didn’t respond. “Please don’t go, don’t leave us again”_

The feeling of falling came again, almost instantly followed by the feeling of Natasha hitting her side on the bedroom floor. This time, however, she hadn’t fallen hundreds of feet from a cliff face or even ten feet from a tree. She’d fallen only a couple of feet, her side hitting the floor harshly as she rolled out of bed. Her breathing quickened as the panic took over her.

A slight knock sounded at the door. “Auntie Nat?” a voice called through softly. “Are you okay?”

_Please don’t go, please don’t leave us again._

When Natasha didn’t respond, Lila shoved the door open anyway. As she barged into the room, Natasha could see the look of obvious panic on the young girl’s face. She rushed over to Natasha and crouched next to her as she helped her aunt sit up.

“Lila, what are you doing in here?” Natasha asked.

“I was on my back from the bathroom and I heard you fall out of bed,” Lila explained. “I was worried about you.” The two moved over slightly so they were sat side-by-side on the floor, leaning with their backs resting against the bed. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m fine”

“Are you sure?” Lila asked. “It’s just you’ve been acting off since you got home again. Something is definitely bothering you and it’s really freaking me out because-” The girl cut herself off, choking on a sob. “-you were gone, Auntie Nat. You were dead and I missed you so much. And I just got you back and I don’t want to lose you again”

Natasha wrapped her arm around Lila’s side and pressed a kiss to the girl’s head. “I get where you’re coming from, I really do Lila. I missed you, all of you, so much during those five years. But I’m okay now, I really am. I’ve got you and your family back. Everything’s okay.” She looked over at the clock on her nightstand. “It’s late, you should probably head back to bed, get some sleep”

Lila sighed and stood to her feet, realising she wasn’t getting any further with Natasha that night. She took a few steps until she reached the door, pausing before she left. “You’re wrong though. You didn’t get me and my family back, you got _your_ family back. You’re a part of this family as well.” Natasha didn’t respond, just smiled softly at the girl. “I love you, Auntie Nat”

“I love you too Lila,” Natasha replied. She stood and closed the door before collapsing back into bed, deciding to take her own advice about sleep.

***

Wanda sat next to Natasha on the small wooden jetty that edged slightly out into the water on the edge of the farm. “Knew I’d find you here”

“It’s calming by the lake,” Natasha replied, dipping her toe into the water.

“I think it’s technically a large pond,” Wanda said. Natasha raised one eyebrow at the girl. “Okay, never mind, not what I came here to talk to you about”

“What was it that you actually wanted to talk about?” Natasha asked. “Here, by the, admittedly small, lake”

Wanda sighed and shook her head. “I never got the chance to properly thank you for everything you’ve done for me. None of you had to trust me and Pietro after everything that we did to you, especially me. But you watched out for me at the Compound and when we were on the run. And never called me out for taking your jacket, which I still have three years later. And then, when we were all gone, you sacrificed your life to save us. I know you don’t like talking about it, so I’m gonna stop, but thank you”

“Eight years,” Natasha replied. “You’ve had that jacket for eight years, technically. Just keep it, suits you better than I ever did me.” Wanda laughed lightly and rest her head on Natasha’s shoulder. Natasha smiled at the girl and leant her head atop of Wanda’s. “I’d do it again. It was terrifying, dying like that, falling from that cliff. Seriously, it was awful, still keeps me up at night, but I’d do it again if it’d bring you and the Bartons back. And everyone else, but I’d be lying if didn’t say that you guys were my main motivation”

“I’m telling the others that you said that,” Wanda teased. “Once they know you’re alive, obviously. It would be a bit weird otherwise. Knew you were playing favourites”

***

Natasha was helping Laura make lunch for everyone later that day. Laura was just putting food on the plates when Natasha volunteered to go and round up the kids from the garden. Lila and Wanda were sat in the long grass, a few feet away from where Cooper was attempting to shoot at a target. Wanda was sat behind Lila, plaiting the younger girl’s hair as she attempted to instruct her brother on his shooting technique.

“Hey, lunch is ready,” Natasha called as she approached. Cooper jumped slightly at the sound of her voice, his shot wildly missing the target, landing higher up the tree than it had done the day before. Natasha rolled her eyes and walked over to the tree. “I’ll get it, you put the stuff away and then head in.” Natasha grabbed the lowest branch and began to climb the tree, ignoring the voice at the back of her mind screaming at her to not do it. She reached the arrow and tugged lightly at it, freeing it from the trunk of the tree. She turned to climb back down the tree and froze when she saw how high up she was. She couldn’t have been more than fifteen feet above the ground, but it felt like she was hanging from the side of the cliff on Vormir all over again. Her breathing began to quicken, and she carefully sat herself down on the branch she’d been standing on.

Wanda quickly noticed that something was wrong. She took off in a run towards where Clint was working on something on the front porch. “Dad, can you come over here?” she yelled as she went.  

Clint jumped as Wanda came rushing over. Wanda said something that Natasha couldn’t hear from where was sat up the tree. The pair ran back towards the tree. Clint was stood at the bottom of the tree, looking up at Natasha as Wanda ushered the other two back into the house.

“Are you planning on getting down from there?” Clint asked.

“Did she just call you Dad?” Natasha said.

“Don’t change the subject,” Clint countered.

Natasha paused before speaking. “I don’t think I can get down”

Clint looked concerned at his friend’s response and quickly climbed up the tree to join Natasha where she was sat. “Why not?” he asked. Natasha didn’t respond. She glanced down to the base of the tree, debating whether she should just attempt to climb down to escape the conversation, but tensed up again when she saw the drop. Clint realised what was bothering her. “It’s the height, isn’t it?”

“This is ridiculous,” Natasha sighed. “I’m being ridiculous”

“You’re not being ridiculous. You fell off a cliff and died. It’s reasonable that you would be scared of heights,” Clint reassured.

“I was hiding up trees taller than this at Tony’s funeral. And when Steve left to take the Stones back,” Natasha argued.

Clint moved so he was sat closer to Natasha. “That was before you got here when you were still on a mission and in mission mode. You’ve always been able to switch off what you’re feeling when on a mission. But you’ve always been more open and more relaxed here. You can be switched off, putting the mission before your emotions whenever we’re out in the field. But here, Lila can show you a video of a kitten befriending a puppy and you’ll tear up”

“That’s not true,” Natasha defended, looking slightly offended. “You never saw that”

Clint laughed lightly at Natasha attempt at defending herself. “Yeah, but Lila told me… she also told me about the nightmares. So did Wanda”

“Little snitches,” Natasha muttered. “Should’ve known that they’d say something”

“You don’t have to do this alone, you know? Dealing with the heights, the nightmares, any of it,” Clint reminded. “We’re here for you Natasha, all of us are. If you need anything, just tell us and we’ll be right here. No one wants you to suffer through this alone”

“Don’t think you and Laura would appreciate me coming and hiding in your bed from a nightmare like the kids do,” Natasha joked.

“I didn’t say you had to do _that_ , but that doesn’t mean you have to shut us out either,” Clint said. “And if that’s what you want to do, well hey, worked with Lila. Cuddles after a nightmare are always helpful”

“I’m aware of that,” Natasha laughed “You do know she used to come to me a lot?”

“Of course she did, she loves her Auntie Nat,” Clint said. The two laughed lightly for a moment. Once they’d stopped, Clint slipped forward and landed on the branch below, standing so he was still at eye level with Natasha. He offered her a hand. “You ready to get down?”

Natasha nodded. “Just promise that you won’t drop me this time.” Clint froze slightly at her words. “I’m kidding.” She took Clint’s outstretched hand and the pair slowly made their way down the tree until they reached the final branch, about five feet above the ground. Clint dropped down and beckoned for Natasha follow. “I don’t know”

“I promise I’ll catch you,” Clint said. Natasha sucked in a breath and screwed her eyes shut as she tipped herself forward, letting go of the branch. She let out a slight yelp as she landed in Clint’s arms. The man quickly set her down on the ground, keeping one arm looped around her back as she steadied herself. “You good?”

Natasha nodded. She clung onto Clint’s arm as she slowed her breathing down. After a few moments, she looked over at Clint and surged towards him and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Clint was quick to return the hug. “Thank you,” she muttered.

Clint smiled slightly and pressed a kiss to the side of Natasha’s head. “Don’t mention it,” he replied. “Anything to help you. You’re family, as much as anyone else in that house, stop acting like you’re a burden.” He pulled back from Natasha. “Are you ready to go back inside?”

Natasha nodded and allowed Clint to lead her back into the house. Laura was waiting for them by the door.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Natasha nodded. “I am now.” She looked past Laura into the kitchen. Wanda was sat chatting with the kids at the table as they ate, but looked up and briefly caught Natasha’s gaze, shooting her a small smile before returning to the conversation.

“You coming in?” Laura asked. Natasha still seemed unsure. “Hey, you’ve got this, okay? You don’t have to try and hide anything from us, from any of us”

“Are you lot trying to write a self-help book?” Natasha jokingly asked as she walked into the kitchen and sat at the table with the rest of the group. “Because you guys have been talking like this for days now”

“They were like that with Wanda all the way to Grand and Gramps’ house the other week,” Lila added. “You kept saying every five minutes to tell you if they were making her feel uncomfortable to the point that Wanda was expected them to be much worse than they actually were. I mean, they weren’t particularly nice to her, but they weren’t that bad”

“I notice Wanda isn’t disagreeing with any of this,” Natasha pointed out, glad for the change in topic. Wanda didn’t reply, just took a long and non-suspicious sip of her drink, not making eye contact.

“Wanda?” Clint asked. “You got anything to say?”

Wanda finally finished her drink. She put the glass down and stared Clint directly in the eye for a moment before responding in a deadpan. “No”

Cooper and Lila broke down laughing at the other girl’s response. Laura was also stifling laughter. Wanda continued to hold eye contact with Clint, a blank look still on her face. Natasha tried to hold back a laugh but ended up letting out a slight giggle.

Clint looked offended. “Is everyone against me today?”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s not just today,” Natasha reassured. “It’s everyday”

Clint mocked glared at her as the others continued to laugh. She suppressed a laugh for a few seconds before joining in with the others. As she laughed along with them, Natasha began to feel lighter than she had done for since she’d arrived home.

***

Natasha woke that night, the memories of falling and dying still refusing to leave her dreams. She sat up in her bed as she tried to decide what to do. She knew that any of the others would be there if she went to them, but there was still a part of her that told her not to go to them, that she shouldn’t rely on them. Before she could decide, she heard a small knock at the door.

“Come in,” she called.

Lila pushed the door open and stepped into the room, clutching a fluffy pink blanket in her hands. “Remember when I was little and used to come to you after a nightmare?”

“Did your dad tell you what we were talking about earlier or is this just a weird coincidence?” Natasha asked.

“You used to hog the blankets once you fell asleep. So much so that I’d bring my pink blanket from my room, but then you’d hog that too,” Lila said without answering Natasha’s question. She threw the blanket in Natasha’s direction, laughing lightly as it hit her aunt in the face. “Consider this me returning the favour. Now budge up”

Natasha smiled at the girl and slid over to one side of the bed, making room for Lila as she climbed into the bed. As soon as she was in the bed, she snuggled closer to Natasha, burrowing her head against her Aunt’s chest. Natasha smiled at the girl and pulled her closer, hugging her tightly.

“Thank you,” Natasha whispered to the girl. “For not letting me do this alone”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” Lila replied. “I get how hard this is. Sorta, at least”

“You not dealing with the whole coming back from the dead thing either?” Natasha asked.

Lila shook her head and curled up closer. “It still feels weird, having five whole years missing. You and Dad remember those years, but for the rest of us, it just goes 2018 to 2023 with nothing in between”

Natasha gently stroked the girl’s head. “I missed you a lot in those five years,” she said Lila. “And your Mom, and brothers, and Wanda. So did your Dad”

“That would explain a lot,” Lila joked. She turned serious for a moment. “No one will tell me exactly what happened with Dad, but I know it wasn’t good”

“None of us has exactly dealt with any of this perfectly. Or in any way that could be considered healthy at all,” Natasha replied. “But we’ve got this. All of us do”

“We should probably go back to sleep,” Lila suggested.

Natasha smiled. “We probably should”

Lila pulled the pink blanket tight around her shoulders and snuggled up closer to Natasha, taking comfort from the fact her aunt was alive and safe and right next to her, the two finally being able to get some well-deserved rest.


End file.
